Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Friends


Since moving to the country five or so years ago I have been lucky enough to meet several lovely locals who, over time, have become great friends. These women are all different and I love them all. To celebrate their diversity, to enjoy the many aspects of their personalities that shows me a different way, a different light, is a beautiful thing. I love that I can call any of them up and have a chat, or a whinge, a laugh or a debrief. I can ask their opinion, offer help or ask for theirs. These friendships give me so much and I hope I give back enough to these gorgeous people, who really light up my life.




I've been thinking about mates and life and what's important lately. I suppose we all have different expectations of friendship, we all bring our own baggage, just as in any relationship. I like to think that I don't seek, or need friends that reflect me, that validate who I am. I hope to not be too needy in my friendships but also able to share my own ups and downs. Of course it helps to have something in common, similar values perhaps & interests, but how good is it to share in anothers different culture, to be touched by someone elses opinion, ideas, thoughts? To be comfortable enough with yourself & your friendship that you can be challenged by a friend, or have a different opinion & that's ok. How good is it to expect the best of someone, not the worst?


All my friends bring something different and so valuable into my life. But not only that, it's also a true joy to share in peoples families, to get to know the children, the partners, the extended family of those friends I love.




It's not the number of friends you have that matters is it? You might only have one or two really good mates, but if they are true friends then that counts for a lot. Even one friend can be worth their weight in gold.

I know someone who seems to have trouble making & keeping friends. This is so sad as they miss out on so much. Friendships can be tricky & hard work. Sometimes friends fall out, have misunderstandings, say something in anger that is hurtful. When this happens it's difficult and some friendships change forever. Although it is hard to talk about how you feel sometimes, it's always better to get it out, to be honest, to not hide behind your hurt, your computer, your excuses. This is not easy and takes courage.


When I was growing up I had a friend who lived near my Nan. We played alot together and spent many hours in her pool, playing dressups, going to the beach. Then when we were teenagers I, and a new friend, were quite cruel to this old mate. Understandably she was very hurt and never spoke to me again. I've never got over my actions, or forgiven myself for making someone feel so bad. If I could find her and tell her how sorry I am it would mean so much. I would also understand though, if she didn't want my apology. It still makes me sad that I ended that long friendship by making a poor choice and being unkind. I guess it did teach me a lesson though, a painful one.


I'm not an expert of friendship but I do know how much we all need love & companionship in our lives. I also know that you need to work at friendships and nuture that connection. As I get older my good friends, who I care about and love, respect and treasure are such an important part of the fabric of my life, and who I am. I value them all so much. The good, honest, fun, supportive, sweet, imperfect, adventurous, loyal, hopeful, strong & lovely women that I am lucky enough to call my mates. Have you got some great friends in your life? I bet you do! I wonder if they know how much they mean to you?


See you soon dear bloggy friends xo

14 comments:

Cath @ chunkychooky said...

great and timely post for me... having truble with an old friend now and I am really at a crossroads... where to from here... is the fact that we have been friends for a very long time reson to salvage when there has been so much hurt?... I don't know...

crzylady said...

very nice thoughts. My two closest friends are the least like me and we have LOTS of differences because boy oh boy do we all do some dumb things. But we've been through thick and thin and when we're old and gray and our children are all intermarried .. won't life be grand!

Floss said...

My two best friends in England are rubbish communicators! I used to send them lots of emails when I first came to France, and got one line replies from one, and nothing from the other! This has been a bit hard for me, but it's still good to see them or occasionally talk on the phone. I wish they would blog! The fact that bloggers all WANT to communicate does help things...

Doily said...

dearest most darling Bec! this post just goes to demonstrate why we love you so much! Your honesty and openness is real and brave. You are loving and, like us all, you are imperfectly perfect!
You consistanly work hard at maintaining friendships and community and are always giving back, therefore we love you all the more! This two way street is a great place to be. Good job, well said. xxx

picciolo said...

what a thoughtful post that made me think - and I loved your accompanying photos
: )

teddybearswednesday said...

this is a gorgeous post Beck. It is a great gift to have wonderful friends, people you can share with , call on, trust and have fun with. I'm not at all surprised by Doily's comment, I'm sure you are indeed you are a very good friend to have and people I'm sure feel lucky to count you as a friend.xo

Lizzie said...

Great post Beck, friends are really special people and we should treasure them as such. I have lots of 'new' friends since we moved here but I have one 'old' friend who is closer than a sister would be. She defined our friendship the other week when she said that it was wonderful that after all these years we could still say anything to one another and not be shocked, hurt or ashamed but supportive, loving AND critical!! I love her to bits, she really is my 'soul sister'.
Lizzie
XXX

sue said...

I loved yuor post Beck, very real and true. Friendships do change over time, some for the better and some ... well people do outgrow each other. As my sister likes to say, you draw certain people into your lives at certain times. When you are happy you are like a beacon of light and people are drawn to you, just like you on your blog! I guess when we are feeling sad you find out who your true friends are. I have a friend that I just caught up with and we havent had much communication for 7 years as she lives in England and is very busy but she has promised to make a better effort when she returns. You know it was so funny but it was like we had only caught up a few weeks ago and hadnt changed much over the years! I do count you as a special bloggy friend Beck and enjoy your posts so keep being honest and brave!

Little Ted Canvas said...

A lovely post, there must be something in the air about friends at the moment. I was just discussing this with one of my oldest & dearest friends & saying how some truely wonderful women are opening themselves to me & offering their frindship, why is it that I keep myself a little distant...I don't know but I think I should embrace their friendships & acknowledge that they think a lot of me and share myself with them...I know our lives are a lot richer with wonderful people to surround us. Thankyou Bec

Home Girl said...

great thoughtprovoking post. i like your ideas about the value of diverse friends who don't always validate your sense of self by being exactally the same, the challenging ones - i have often told myself that not every friend needs to be a best one, that different friends can meet different needs. great food for thought thank you. btw the twin bunnies sounded like such a difficult birth but totally worth the extra pain - they look ADORABLE, such lucky girls. will be in touch soon again about my own bunny mission as goddaughter's bday is in may.

Gina said...

I'm enjoying your reflective posts, Beck. I've always had a fairly easy time making friends, and even gaining great depth of friendship - I'm not sure why but I'm very grateful for that skill.
However I tend to invest most in the immediate friendships around me, and am not good at keeping up with the 'long distance' old friends. Since becoming a mother I've learned to rely on my female friendships in a far deeper way than previously and have come to ask a lot from my very generous friends(but again, I really focus on the friends close at hand and have limited energy for people outside my current 'spheres').

Your regrets about being cruel your young friend touched me... I have been on both sides of that friendship fence, and I'm sure most of us have. It seems to be a common theme among young female friendships! I truly hope that you DO get an opportunity one day to reconnect, be forgiven, get some closure - but if not it is great to know that you have chosen to learn from it and make different choices. I also appreciate that you are willing to write about something you're not proud of on your blog (most of the time when we're being honest about our faults we stick to 'acceptable' ones like messiness!!)

Love the pictures (Block Arcade? Magical shop! Did you buy a set?)

Kim said...

What a lovely post Beck. I know exactly what you mean. I have been thinking about all the wonderful friends I have made in the last couple of years, and how enriched my life has become with their presence. I make sure I tell my closest friends I love them, whenever I see or talk to them. I think it's important. I don't have 300 friends on Facebook, but I am lucky enough to have a handful of really good close friends. What more can a girl ask for!? xo

Posie Patchwork said...

OH Babushka love, yes please. Love Posie

Happydacks said...

Lovely post Bec, I thought your beautifuly articulated thoughts on friends having different taste/ideas to your own make them more compatible friends.
Vive la différence.
I hope you can find your old friend! xx